Involving/Telling Friends & Family

• Protecting the Birth Space: The birth space needs to be calm, private, and focused on the birthing person’s well-being. Having a clear plan for family and friends helps ensure that the focus remains on the birthing experience without unnecessary distractions.

• Reducing Stress: Birth can be intense, and the presence of well-meaning but potentially overwhelming family members or friends can add stress. Managing their involvement allows the birthing person and their partner to maintain a more relaxed, supportive environment.

• Respecting Boundaries: Everyone has different preferences regarding who is present at the birth. Some people prefer a more intimate experience, while others are open to having extended family around. Establishing boundaries in advance allows for everyone to feel respected and avoids any surprises during labor.

• Creating Emotional Support for the Partner: The support person may also need emotional and physical space to process the experience. By managing family involvement, they can focus on their partner without worrying about what others need.

Having clear conversations before labor begins is essential for setting expectations, reducing potential conflicts, and ensuring everyone is on the same page. Here’s how you can approach this:

1. With your partner

   • Discuss Preferences: Before labor, sit down together and talk about how you both envision the birth experience. Who do you want in the room, and when? What kind of involvement would you like from family or friends? Do you want to limit visitors, or would you prefer they wait until after the baby is born? Establishing these boundaries together will give you clarity on what feels right for both of you.

   • Plan for Communication: Decide how you’ll communicate with loved ones during labor. Will you send updates via text, or do you want to keep things private until after the birth? Make sure the birthing person feels comfortable with whatever plan you agree on.

2. With Family and Friends

   • Set Expectations Early: It's a good idea to have a conversation with close family and friends ahead of time about what they can expect. This helps reduce any feelings of disappointment or confusion during labor. Be honest and clear about how involved they can be.

   • Boundaries Around the Birth Space: Let them know if you’d prefer they stay outside the room or if they’re welcome to be present for certain stages of labor. You might also discuss whether you'd like them to wait for a phone call or text with the birth announcement or if they should remain in a waiting area until after the birth.

   • Respect for the Birth Plan: Emphasize that the birthing person’s comfort and needs come first. If something changes, they’ll be updated, but that decisions may need to be made quickly, so it’s important to respect the couple’s wishes.

   Example Conversation with Family/Friends:

   • “We’re so excited for the baby’s arrival and want to make sure that we’re focused on the birth experience. Right now, we’re asking that only [insert names of people who will be in the room] are in the room during labor. We’ll be keeping everyone updated via text, and we’ll let you know as soon as the baby arrives so you can come celebrate with us afterward! Thank you so much for understanding, and we’re looking forward to introducing you to the baby soon.”

A prepared text (or a group message to family and friends) can be an efficient and thoughtful way to manage expectations and keep everyone informed during labor without overwhelming the birthing person or partner with constant inquiries. Here’s an example of what that message could look like:

Text to Send to Family and Friends Before Labor

• "Hi everyone! We’re so excited to let you know that we’re about to embark on our birth journey. We wanted to keep things calm and focused, so for now, we’ve decided to keep the birth space just for [birthing person’s name] and [partner’s name]. We’ll be updating you when there’s progress or as soon as baby arrives! Please send all your good vibes, and we’ll share the news as soon as possible! Thanks for your understanding and support!”

Text to Send During Labor (if you’ve already set boundaries)

• "Labor is going well! [Birthing person’s name] is doing great, and we’re taking it one contraction at a time. We’re keeping things quiet and private for now, but we’ll keep you posted on any updates as soon as we can! Thanks for your patience and love."

Text to Send After Baby is Born

• "It’s a girl/boy! [Baby’s name] arrived safely at [time], and everyone is doing great. Thank you for all your love and support. We’re so excited to introduce you to our little one soon!"

Post-Birth Timing: Decide when it’s appropriate for family and friends to visit after the birth. Some couples prefer immediate family only in the first few hours, while others may be more open to having friends come soon after delivery. Be clear about your boundaries, and don’t hesitate to say no if you need time to rest and bond with your baby.

Sample Text to Family/Friends About Visiting After Birth:

• "We’re so grateful for all your love and support. Right now, we’re taking some time to rest and bond with the baby, but we’ll let you know when we’re ready for visitors. Thank you for being patient as we soak up this special time together!"

Stay Unified: The birth partner and the birthing person should be on the same page about how to handle any pushback or confusion from family or friends. If any family members express disappointment or frustration about not being included in the birth, the partner can gently remind them of the couple’s wishes and emphasize that it’s important for the birthing person to have a peaceful, supportive environment.

Sample Response to Family/Friends Who Want to Be Involved More:

• "We completely understand that you’re excited, and we appreciate all your love and support. Right now, we just need some space to focus on [birthing person’s name] and the birth. We’ll be sure to keep you updated, and we can’t wait for you to meet the baby when the time is right!"